I’m having my tonsils out tomorrow. I know, so retro, right? The procedure itself is supposed to be quick and easy, but the recovery is awful.
I’ve been under general anesthesia once before, to have my wisdom teeth out when I was almost 19. The only surgery I’ve had since was a ganglion removal in my wrist, for which I was given a local … and will boast to anyone who will listen that my dreamy hand surgeon said if he’d known how involved it was going to be, he would have put me under. I was such a champ.
I have been preparing for this week’s grand affair by acquiring a cool mist ultrasonic humidifier to keep my throat moist, Throat Comfort Yogi tea, Zico chocolate coconut water (you know, to rehydrate), and thinking of soft foods to eat: oatmeal, scrambled eggs, macaroni and cheese, smoothies.
Also, very importantly, I have loaded up a bunch of television series in my Netflix instant queue. People, Netflix isn’t charging enough! I can watch the entirety (or near entirety) of Buffy, Angel, Felicity, thirtysomething, Vampire Diaries, seasons one and two of Glee … and so much more.
So be prepared for such outdated observations as, “Seriously, how could Felicity ever choose Ben over Noel? Noel is the perfect man.”
You’d think in anticipation of having to spend as much as a week on heavy narcotics that I would have been more active over the weekend, but no. I had coughing and sneezing fits on Friday and Saturday. Even though I didn’t feel like I was getting a cold, I worried that this something would keep me from having surgery tomorrow. Certainly it would not be fun to sneeze with enormous tonsil scabs forming in the back of my throat.
Also, my neck’s been hurting, probably from sleeping awkwardly to accommodate two monster German shepherds in our bed. Yeah, that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.
As a result, I spent more time on the couch this weekend than I should have, dwelling in such questions as why in the world did Felicity obsess about Ben for four seasons, when beautiful, kind, smart, funny Noel was there all along?
I needed to talk to someone about this.
Me: Did you ever watch Felicity?
Me: But you know the basic premise? There’s this love triangle …
Rob: All I know is that it starred a girl with curly hair.
In more current affairs, how do you think they got those zombies in the barn in The Walking Dead? Don’t you think Lori should just have the baby? I mean, the fate of the human race is at stake. And did you see The Simpsons? It was about writing a tween blockbuster novel by committee, structured like a heist film. Brilliant.