Your cup will never be empty

Ah romance. Much as I appreciate Nightmare Before Christmas during the holiday season, I enjoyed watching Corpse Bride last night as a prelude to Valentine’s Day.

I especially liked it when all the dead people reunited with their lost living loves.

Sometimes Rob says he can hear my head whirring.

He had to be up at 5 today and for some reason we were both awake at 4ish. He got up to print some brochures from the computer, and my mind started racing.

I hate it when things I decide not to believe become true (Next you’re going to tell me flu shots work).

Apparently, stream of consciousness is streamier immediately upon waking. I’d read (and been told) to journal first thing in the morning, but please, it’s hard enough to rouse myself from slumber to get in the shower and out of the house.

But I had random dreams fresh in my mind and with them came various seeds of story ideas that may qualify as actual fiction.

So I grabbed my journal and started writing. And when Rob tried to get 20 more minutes of sleep, my brain kept him awake.

Brevity is the soul of wit

School is hard. I just got some very positive feedback (via e-mail) from my fiction writing professor, but I’ve been having some trouble with assignment two.

One of my problems is that I have trouble making stuff up. And her only criticism was that my “free writing” exercise was too logical. I can’t seem to non-sequitur. She should hear me talk. I think I should write down my dreams instead.

Another irritant is that I’m not sure I “get” short stories. I haven’t really tried to write them before because I don’t tend to read them. Even if I like an author, I usually skip over their collections of shorts.

We have two textbooks. One contains fairly modern short stories, which don’t seem to follow the “conflict, crisis, resolution” pattern. And I’ve decided to be formulaic here. I’ve been instructed to have the crisis create a significant change, and dammit, it’s going to be significant. No mere changes of mind here.

The other book, a paperback, is a collection of old-school short stories. Like, the classics. But the Washington Irving story about a woman with a ribbon around her neck who turns out to be a decapitated corpse, and the E.B. White one about the machine that drives a car…they read like jokes to me; the endings are punchlines, not resolutions.

However, I discovered a bunch of short stories posted (with typos) online. Among them, three Roald Dahl stories. I’m a fan. I read, uh, I guess only three (possibly four) Roald Dahl books as a kid (and saw the Danny DeVito movie of “Matilda”). Turns out, his short stories are good models. They’ve got twists, changes, conflict and most importantly, endings. And they’re very readable too.

I remember my brother reading a book of his short stories on a plane once. Remember that, A?

The Senate Judiciary spy probe

SEN. JOE BIDEN: General, how has this revelation damaged the program? I’m almost confused by it but, I mean, it seems to presuppose that these very sophisticated Al Qaida folks didn’t think we were intercepting their phone calls. I mean, I’m a little confused. How did it damage this?

ATTORNEY GENERAL ALBERTO GONZALES: Well, Senator, I would first refer to the experts in the Intel Committee who are making that statement, first of all. I’m just the lawyer. And so, when the director of the CIA says this should really damage our intel capabilities, I would defer to that statement. I think, based on my experience, it is true — you would assume that the enemy is presuming that we are engaged in some kind of surveillance. But if they’re not reminded about it all the time in the newspapers and in stories, they sometimes forget….

BIDEN: Well, I hope you and my distinguished friend from Alabama are right, that they’re that stupid and naive because we’re much better off if that’s the case.

I never thought I’d say this, but it’s true that I feel more alert when I wake up between 6 and 7.

I mean, it’s still really hard to get out of bed, but I no longer have the option of dozing until 10:30 anymore, yet I find myself getting through the day for the most part not nodding off at my desk.

I slept in on Saturday and Sunday. (They tell you not to do this; you should wake up at the same time every day) and felt groggy most of the day. Yesterday I felt groggy, even though I went to bed early.

Last night I stayed up til 11:30 or so, woke up at 6 to go to IHOP with Rob before work, and I feel great!

The other thing is, I’ve been having lower back pain. Like an old person! I started feeling twinges a few months ago, but have been feeling it every day and am aware of it all the time (much like the jaw pain, which persists, possibly because I keep drinking caffeine and eating chips) since I started this job where I’m sitting most of the day. I used to spend more time in the “field,” I guess. Although I do walk quite a bit to get my lunch each day.

I did yoga at home on Saturday and Sunday and actually made it to a pretty strenuous class last night. And my back feels loads better!

Speaking of the exclamation mark…

I used to think it looked unprofessional to over-exclamate in e-mails. And I still think it’s a tell-tale sign of an immature person to end every sentence with an exclamation point! Or multiples!!!

But now, I think it looks friendly. Like, an otherwise dull e-mail is livened right up with a “Thanks!” at the end.

Source: Forwarded e-mail. Author unknown
Apologies if you consider this the oldest one in the BOOK. Looks like it was posted online in Nova Scotia as early as 1997…

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade named: BOOK

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Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere — even sitting in an armchair by the fire — yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc. Here’s how it works:BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder, which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKs with more information simply use more pages.

Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet. BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

Unlike other display devices, BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, and it can even be dropped on the floor or stepped on without damage. However, it can become unusable if immersed in water for a significant period of time. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pinpoints the exact location of selected information for instant retrieval

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session — even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers.

Conversely, numerous BOOKmarkers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with an optional programming tool, the Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Stylus (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. Also, BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

For the first time ever, Rhymes with Safari blogs live from the Super Bowl. Live from the living room, that is.

I have the Super Bowl on because it just seems like the thing to do. The smoothie place had a sign on the door saying that it was closing at 3, because no one wanted to work that shift. I wouldn’t even mind going to a Super Bowl party this year, but Rob’s working, and I’m actually planning on doing some of my writing homework today.

Yesterday at the grocery store, I bought some habanero potato chips for Rob, because he likes the spicy and potato chips hurt my jaw anyway. Gotta say tho, the very first commercial break made me wish I had some unspicy chips and one of those Pizza Hut popable crust pizzas…

Uh, guess I’ll settle for a diet sierra mist…

Awesome

Reuters reports: “The United States condemned the cartoons on Friday, siding with Muslims who are outraged that newspapers put press freedom over respect for religion.”

Hooked

So Emerald took a little vacay at the in-laws. ‘Cus Rob was afraid the apartment inspectors would evict us or raise the rent if they saw a four-and-a-half foot iguana living in a dog crate in the computer room.

I was like, Dude, the iguana is about the least weird thing about this place. It’s not like you’re getting your security deposit back 10 years later, after hanging punching bags on chains from the ceilings and drilling a FocusMaster into the wall. And don’t even get me started on Bob.

But I obeyed.

We moved Emerald and cage without incident, unless you count Rob’s dropping the UV light about six times and cracking the plastic crate liner. Last night we returned to retrieve him.

Rob’s parents were very concerned that Emerald wasn’t getting into his hammock by himself.

“The hammock’s not hung right,” they kept telling Rob on the phone.

“We had to lift him up and put him in the hammock,” they told me when I got there last night.

The hammock was fine. As I predicted, Emerald did not poop the whole four days he was there.

I took Emerald out of the cage to begin the dismantling and, like he has so many times before, the little guy tried to climb on top of my head. This time, however, one of his claws went inside my left nostril, and uh, got stuck. Like a fish hook.

It took some maneuvering to detach his claw from the delicate inner lining of my nose, but amazingly, the cut appears superficial and there was little blood.

S’pose it could have been worse. He could have slashed out my eyes or cut my face someplace that showed. I mean, I’m convinced there is still a slightly visible bump on my forehead from my last ridiculous injury.

The Silent Type

Others seem to think it ought to be, or is already, spring. They’re playing Frisbee in the square.

I’ve been thinking about how out of the habit I am of making phone calls. I do most of my work via e-mail, which, frankly, I prefer. But when I do have to make a phone call, it’s like my first day on the job, and I really have to psych myself up to dial. This after I had them order me a brand new headset. I get neck spasms, you know.

So I heard the main line ring, and I thought to myself, “Nobody ever calls me. I don’t even make an effort to answer the office phone.”

And then my extension rang! It was for me!

So confused.

What time did my local groundhog pop out? Cus it was really sunny about an hour ago, but rainy and gray a few hours before that. I’m ready for spring, people! (Since it clearly is not planning to snow again)

Gay cowboys? Whoo-eee!

Sorry if I’m behind the curve on this whole Brokeback Mountain thing, but it just got to a theatre near me.

I liked it, I suppose, but I kept thinking as I watched it that it would make a better novel. Weird, ‘cus it was based on a short story. How, then, did Larry McMurtry make it “read” like there was too much to fit into the movie version?

It wasn’t structured like a screenplay. Not that I’m a stickler for structure, but it ambled. And while I liked the story, I didn’t like the way it unfolded. Guess I should get my hands on the short story.

Oh, plus, big time misleading ad campaign. They weren’t cowboys, they were shepherds! Seems I’m not the only one to notice.