Good fortune or bedside nagging?

I’ve been quite sick with a cough. Mostly, I’ve been lying on the couch watching the Bourne movies. Yesterday, I rewatched almost the entire series of Firefly. (Wow. Christina Hendricks. Someone tell me she does those ninja kicks on Mad Men, I might actually watch that show.) One episode to go. Then the movie.

On the one hand, my lucky doggies get to spend the entire day with me. On the other, they seem a little bored. Days are short and rainy. I fear this is what they have to look forward to for the next several months.

In my hermetic state, I’ve found blog inspiration in my Halls cough drops and Yogi tea. They’re the new fortune cookie.

Who doesn’t love a fortune cookie? Even if you scoff at horoscopes, I bet you give the slightest consideration to your cookie fortunes. I prefer the ones that are predictive to those that are prescriptive. I once got a very specific one that said, “Remember this day three months from now. Good things are in store.” Man, did I mark my calendar for that one. I interviewed a fascinating young man that day for a newspaper article, not that it changed my life, but that cookie really gave me something to look forward to.

Some prescriptive fortunes can be taken to heart, such as, “Don’t ignore your needs in the area of new challenges,” and “Don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

I used to eat at Panda Express at least once a week and post my fortunes.

For several years now, I’ve enjoyed the helpful guidance on the tags of Yogi tea. Their Throat Comfort tea was a fixture during my tonsillectomy recovery, and today’s tea advises me, “To be great, feel great and act great.” Yes! I can do that. Very motivating.

From yesterday: “Your greatness is not what you have, it’s what you give.”

While this particular box seems rather focused on greatness, this is sound life advice, one tea bag at a time. Spend a day ruminating on it, because how many tea bags does a person go through, really? I confess that I’m more likely to reuse a tea bag than to use up a second one.

How could I be anything but delighted then, when I spotted some words of wisdom on the wrapper of my honey-berry Advanced Formula Sugar Free Halls with Triple Soothing Action?

“Fire up those engines.”

Yeah! Thanks, Halls. I’m not feeling my best, but there you are, with a “Pep Talk in Every Drop.” I’d seen the commercials, but I didn’t realize there were literal pep talks printed on the wrappers.

However, after a full week of rib-aching coughing fits, I’m over it. Halls doesn’t settle for just one motivational message per cough drop. They’ve mass-printed them several to a wrapper, and I’m going through 5-10 cough drops a day.

On a single wrapper, my medicine is telling me, “Go get it!”, “Conquer today,” “It’s yours for the taking,” “Get back in the game,” “Be resilient,” “High-five yourself.”

Shut uuuup, Halls! You don’t know what I’m going through. I just want to rest.

All those really translate to is, “Get off your ass and go back to work.” Maybe you’re the one slacking off on your job, Halls. How about you help me stop coughing… then I’ll get back in the game!

Published by Kari Neumeyer

Writer, editor, dog mom, ovarian cancer survivor

3 thoughts on “Good fortune or bedside nagging?

  1. Oh god, Ashley and I have TOTALLY had this conversation about the Halls Pep Talks! One of the wrappers she gifted me is still front and center in my writing room: “Put a little strut into it.”

    Perhaps, as you’re critiquing my pages, you could let me know which parts need more strut?

    (I re-use teabags to the point of plain hot water.)

  2. Apparently I haven’t had any Halls cough drops lately! Last time I bought a bag, there were no interesting wrappers – not that I want to get sick again and find out. Sorry to hear you are still coughing. 😦 I have to add – I too will reuse my tea bags to the point of plain hot water!!

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