No poop left behind


I take pride in being the most conscientious dog poop picker upper in the world.

The worst thing that can happen to a dog mom like me is to have my dog poop while off leash at the dog park, and then not be able to find it. I have wandered icy fields in futile search of steam rising from Leo’s pile. Oh, the guilt, knowing someone is going to step in poop that I should have picked up.

When I take Mia to the park at lunch, she usually poops while I’m eating. Of course I wait until I’m done eating to pick it up; otherwise, that’s disgusting. While bagging it the other day, I thought, “This poop seems really cold to be from just a few minutes ago.” Then saw Mia’s poop a few feet away. Yes, that’s right, I even pick up OTHER dogs’ poop. That’s how conscientious I am.

On a few occasions, I’ve found myself on a walk without a bag and I have driven back to the location of the poop to pick it up.

And because I love the earth so much, I use biodegradable poop bags. I used to buy them at the co-op, but to be honest, they’re kind of small for Leo-sized poops. If you’re not grossed out by this post already, this should do it: With a too-small bag, you run the risk of getting poop on your hands. I ordered some Earth Rated poop bags online. They’re supposed to be lavender-scented, but really they smell more like old lady perfume. I have learned the trick to opening the bags is to get your fingers wet, either by licking them or touching wet grass, but maybe I need the dispenser, because sometimes I have trouble detaching a bag from the roll.

Lately, Rob and I have been walking the doggies after dark. Just out to the end of the block. When a dog poops, I bag it, then leave it on the curb to pick up on the way back. The other night, Rob noted the house number where the bag was, but I pretty much remembered the location. Last night, we didn’t check the number, but I was certain I left it near a mailbox.

On the way back, I was distracted because Rob was telling me some story about boobs, and two bicycles passed, and we had to cross the street to avoid a pedestrian, and while I was extremely proud of Leo for not barking and lunging at any of these things, I somehow missed the poop bag.

I insisted that Rob and I drive back down the block to retrieve it. Because what do you think when you see a bagged poop on the sidewalk? You don’t think, “Oh, a person couldn’t find that poop bag,” or even “That person forgot their poop bag.” You think, “What kind of jerk goes to the trouble of bagging poop and then not throwing it away? Like they’re doing me some favor of keeping me from stepping in it, but are not courteous enough to remove it entirely.”

We looked in front of every house with a mailbox but couldn’t find it. “Please, let’s go back one more time,” I begged. But Rob refused.

I had to go to sleep last night knowing that poop bag was still out there, but refused to relinquish the title of most conscientious dog poop picker upper in the world. In the light of morning, I drove down the block again, and saw the green bag flapping in the breeze in front of a house without a mailbox. So obvious I can’t believe we missed it, even if we were only looking at houses with mailboxes.

I retrieved it, threw it away, and all was right with the world.

Published by Kari Neumeyer

Writer, editor, dog mom, ovarian cancer survivor

34 thoughts on “No poop left behind

  1. “I was distracted because Rob was telling me some story about boobs.” Things I love about this sentence: what a casual aside it is, and that it makes perfect sense.

    Poop n’ boobs; stand back and watch your ratings soar, Best Dog Mom Ever. πŸ™‚

  2. We live in an extremely rural area where poop bags don’t exist, and no one cares. When we walk in town, though, we always bring poop bags. From time to time I notice big, fat poop bags tossed under hedges or next to phone poles. I always thought “Who bothers to bag poop and leave under hedges?” Now I know!! πŸ˜€

  3. I’m so proud of you! Bill used to get grossed out that I picked up the girls’ business when we were out for a walk. He would refuse to hold my hand if I was carrying a loaded bag. I finally told him, “You’d better figure out how to get used to this.” So he bought me some baggies he couldn’t see through. I’m proud to say that now he sometimes picks up even when I’m not around. I have a video I’m gonna find for you and post on your facebook page. I once played an obnoxious small-dog owner in a public service announcement.

    1. That is so great. Rob complains when I swing the poop bag too close to him. But he’s in charge of carrying the bucket from the backyard to the trash can, so he plays his part. Who knew men could be squeamish about dog poop?

  4. There are so many things about this story that crack me up! Oh, I hate getting distracted by a story about boobs! In our house, the thing that kills my husband is that I buy pink poop bags. He will carry his own manly colored bags, lest someone see him with a pink poop bag in the park!

  5. This is funny! I once went hiking with Blueberry and picked up her poop and knew we had a ways to go so I left the bag at a bush to pick up on the way back. But on the way back – for whatever reason – I could NOT find it. I was feeling horrible and then thought “Well, maybe another hiker saw it and picked it up to dispose of properly – which made me feel guilty for being one of “those” people.” Would you believe – we went that same trail a couple of weeks later and I found it!! Needless to say – I was actually SO happy about finding it so I could ease my conscience and remove that unsightly bag of poop from nature. And now I don’t leave a bag to get on my way out anymore because I am afraid I will not be able to find it again.

    It’s nice to meet someone else that has the same “pick up the poop” standards!

  6. In many ways I can relate to this post when it comes to my kids (and I am officially the worst mom in the world!) My son has a habit of removing his diaper after he poops…and getting it everywhere. Therefore I, too, leave no poop behind. :0) Anyway, I’m visiting from SITS! Have a happy SITS day! I also have a family member who is a German Shepard dog mom and is going to LOVE you. Emailing her now.

  7. Yay for conscientious poop picker-uppers! I was in Buenos Aires last year, where everyone seems to have a dog and no one seems to pick up the poops. It’s gross–poop all over the sidewalks! If I owned a dog, I imagine I would be just as conscientious as you. Happy SITS day!

  8. Ha! You are hilarious. I also have extreme guilt if I can’t clean up my dog’s poop properly. I will have to check out the biodegradable poop bags. Happy SITS Day!

  9. You are so funny! I love that you wrote about this! We are the same way. We pick up other dog’s poop too and have gone back to retrieve a poop when we ran out of bags as well!

  10. One of our local parks has containers with poop bags called handy hands. They’re not always full, but I like the effort. Our 18 year old and 16 year old dogs recently died and I miss them. Not ready for new dogs, yet. Almost picked up a stuffed toy dog but I knew I would be crying at the register so I put it down. Thanks for the post. Enjoy your SITS Day.

    1. I think I’ve seen those. Are they hand-shaped? I’m sorry about your loss. Losing a beloved pet is the worst, and after so many years together? It must be hard to remember a time before you had them.

  11. Ewwww, German Shepard poops. Thankfully, my Standard Poodle gets enough yard time that he doesn’t often need to poop while on adventures with us at the park. Not that my son thinks that so great–his job is to clean up the yard!

  12. OMG….I thought I was the only dog mom who goes to the dog park and picks up all the other dog poop! I can’t stand to play fetch with my pups and it land in feces. Yuck! So I bag it all up before we play. πŸ™‚

    Happy SITS Day

    1. Good for you! One time I tried to pick up one of Mia’s and thought it felt strangely cold. Then I realized it was some other dog’s poop, and hers was about three feet away.

  13. First, I have a hard time visualizing “Leo’s steaming pile” since my husband’s name is Leo but that made me giggle all the same.Second, I wish all the dog mommies in my neighborhood were as conscientious as you. Visiting from SITS.

  14. Ah, I am the same way! I have had to go back to get bags if my dog decides to poop twice while we are out on walks. To take care of that problem, I bought a poop bag dispenser that fits on my dog’s leash, up by the handle!

    I HATE when people don’t pick up after their pets. I bought a little “No Dumping” sign that is a dog pooping with “No Dumping written on it. It doesn’t stop everyone, though. One person (I’m pretty sure it’s the same person because the poop is always the same size) continuously refuses to pick up their dog’s poop. They even let it poop right in front of the No Dumping sign. *sigh*

    Stopping by from SITS Girls. Happy belated SITS Day to you!

    Julie @ This Gal Cooks

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