Least convincing defense ever

“Your honor, I don’t speed. I’ve only ever had one other speeding ticket, um, prior to that one.”

(Looks down) “It says here you have two.”

“Yeah, that’s because I got another one after the one I’m here for today. But I totally use cruise control all the time now.”

Everyone in court today was there on a speeding violation. Nearly every single person “deferred” their findings for $100, which means it doesn’t go on their records. That’s what I did with my first ever speeding ticket in 2003. It only cost $75 then.

Today, however, I was the only one ineligible for deferment. The good news is that he reduced my fine to $75…the bad news is, I’m totally screwed when I go back for the second ticket.

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